Top Ten most Undateable Guys Ever!

10.) Married guys= DUH
9.) Divorced guys who were ever married to an Asian=used to subservience
9.) Race Car drivers= always looking for hood ornaments
8.) Guys who have kids from multiple women=red flag warning
7.) Accountants= always telling you how to spend your money
6.) Lawyers=too argumentive and could sue you
5.) Drunks= although not a bad companion the therapy for the kids will cost ya
4.) Drug users AKA Crack heads= no explanation necessary really YUCK!
3.) Actor= You will never know if he's faking it or not
2.) Salesman= sell you a line of crap and may in fact have other sales pending
1.) Bio hazard cleanup, self-employed Marine= even though he really cleans up well he can date you and eliminate you in one night.

Checking Out!

I'm so done with with everyone right now. I'm so not feeling the love. I'm checking out of the doctor situation permanently and not looking back. So far he's been my texting boyfriend only. I think he's scared to see me in person. No really. Well today he broke up with me via text message. It was rude but I'm not really hurt. I mean I never really invested too much time into him considering all we did was text during our down time. He never texts me on his days off either so I decided to text him. All I got was simply one word answers that seemed cold and emotionless. So I tried to dig a little deeper granted I knew something was up I'm a woman. So I said "Oh U must be w/ur chick OK TTYL." I know it's a little passive aggressive but really I was a little turned on to the fact that he wasn't entirely mine..yet. So I pushed the envelope. He wrote back and said he was at the Chatham girls soccer team just won and he was heading to Syracuse?? I was confused as to where he fit into all that. Then he offered and said I'm with the coaches. I was like OH. Then he started to get rude like "Do u want me 2 take a pic 4 ya?? Hmmm. I thought wow he's offering this info? I didn't need proof but sure. I was like Yeah OK. He took a pic of the bus driver. So what else was on that bus. Then he was like "Ur acting strange". I'm acting strange? He just took a pic of a bus driver.?? Then he said I was judging him and this is why we stopped hanging out last time. Guilt when put on oneself can be quite the punishment. I wasn't even jealous to be honest. I just wanted to say hi. But that's what I get for texting him on his day off. He needs to lose my number. He so better not even try to text me because I won't be texting him back. Sorry this one is so lame but I feel like I need to vent, so thank you for listening. He's definitely not my frog!!

Luv Tri-angle

Once upon a time there was a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer. The doctor never healed or helped in fact you would end up hurt. The young accountant was always counting someone else's money and never sharing his with others. Let's not forget about the DWI lawyer who doesn't like confrontation and has a bit of a drinking problem. The doctor was very debonair that no girl could resist. The young accountant had the body and the look to turn any girls head. The lawyer was meek and mild but never got any head. So far it's a process of elimination. The lawyer has been benched and has yet to rebuttal his case. The doctor is in the lead by aiding with a laugh here and there. The young accountant is on duty and couting the days till his next visit. Me, I'm starting to give up on all three. Actually, I mean two since the lawyer has been benched already. So far none have impressed like the financial adviser did, but he was much too old for me.

Love Me for Me

Oh- This curs-ed face of me
People expect so much from me
Can't they see I am nothing more than thee
I have the same goods as thee
Be gone and leave me be!
Can't you see I have nothing more than thee?
Trouble is this face of me
Shameful glances full of jealousy
Trusted none and hated because of beauty!
Oh- wicked face of me
This is all I have than thee
I can do no more than thee
Don't try to be me
For I have more than-
Beauty to give to thee
I have love to lend to thee
I have knowledge to give to thee
I have humor to share with thee
Now can you see me?
Without this curs-ed face of me?

This poem was written in 2006 when I was fighting with friends and family for what I have no idea I used my loneliness and energy and composed this poem. I came across it recently and thought I'd share it online. Sometimes people relate.

Small Victories

Small Victories come in a variety of ways and disguises. Like my first victory of growing up is getting a career not just a job. But victories are what makes us rise above any other day and feel something completely different inside. Not in a hopeful or anxious way, but a way beyond that...it is victorious!
When I write about being victorious I'm writing about an all over feeling like none other, one that makes you just want to jump and say "I did it"! Maybe this is just a part of growing up but to me it was completely "victorious". For starters, I live in an apartment complex and I am on the first floor and I get a patio slab and a postage stamp of grass. I do not need to take care of this grass for it is maintenance's job, but still it's mine and I can plant flowers and do what I like to it to compliment the... OK you get it. A young couple lives upstairs and they have a new baby, and a couple of big dogs. One is a bull mastiff named Zeus, so you can imagine the size anyway. Everyday, the woman, not the man, lets her dog relieve it's bladder on my postage stamp of grass. It's to the point that no grass grows in that particular spot. So it be, I have told neighbors at the bus stop, I've told management at the office. But I never seem to catch her long enough to tell HER! But, one day here it was my "golden" opportunity. As she came back from her short walk.. I seized the pee-pee lady and stopped her dead in her tracks. I could've yelled at her and called her all sorts of names like the ones I mumbled under my breathe everytime I discovered she was here and gone. But I said, "Excuse me?" She ignored me of course and continued on upstairs. I then ran out the slider and started for the stairs but stopped. I yelled up loud, "Excuse me? Could you not have your dog go the bathroom in front of my apartment? As soon as I open my slider the smell comes right in my house.." And with that being said my heart beating for her next response. She said, "Suuure". Then turned and went inside.
Yes I felt so victorious!!!! Not only did I confront her but I didn't scream and curse I did it in a nice way that she couldn't refuse. That to me was a small victory. No cops were called no one had to rip me off of her for beating her up. Small victories are good!
Also can I add that she was scared to walk by my apartment and had her friend go with her and they walked down at least 5 feet more. Not that this is a lot but my fence will fix that.

Note: Dogs in this blog were not harmed in any way and it is not the dog's fault that his owner has him pee on people's private property. If taken for a proper walk none of this would've happened.

Wasting Time

Time heals all wounds. Time flies when your having fun. Time passes by without questions. Time can make one very lonely. Time can make one very homely. Regardless of what time it is or was since I last blogged there is no time like the present. So let's get down to it before I run out of time and then it will be my bedtime. So, alot has happened since my last entry and alot still hasn't happened since my last entry. I didn't use the word time in that last sentence. Sorry just killing time. Sometimes one can make decisions that will affect one's future and those around her/him. Such as, dating. Dating can be a waste of time. It depends on whom your dating at the time. Some can make your time worthwhile. Then of course some are not worth your time at all! Time can make you feel old, time can make you feel... well, not old enough. Time is patience, time is virtue, time is precious, time is money honey. I can't believe that you are taking time out of your life to read my stupid blog about time. I do have to say it is about time that you did! Time for me to go.

The Drs. RX

Have you gotten the chance to view this new exciting show, "The Drs."? These doctors are supposed to be our reliable and trustworthy source of information. Please don't fall for their lines. Ok so they have some cute and good looking people up there selling information that we learned in the 7th grade about nutrition and exercise and sex. The ringleader Travis, is our main host who is obviously struck more so by super stardum, since he was also once on the show "The Bachelor". He talks to the camera as if we were born yesterday. Then there's the attractive girl, not sure what her name is or ethnicity is, but pretty sure she has had a nose job. On one show she was jumping rope in high heels and bragging about it. That's safe and smart to teach people since monkey see monkey do. Her hair bugs me too it's way to long and I would like it if it was put up more tidy like than with an 80's couiffe. Next is the dopey one who doesn't say much is just kind of there and follows the circus and only speaks when spoken to. Finally, comes the mature surgeon, I think his specialty is plastic since he is always pushing it along with boob jobs. One girl from the audience asked about something regarding her breasts such as back pain caused from her large breasts, and right away the surgeon said SURGERY, that was the only solution. First of all she was totally over weight. So instead of telling her to first try some physical excercise and to strengthen her back and shoulder muscles and it will also improve her posture, nope just surgery. Now they are pushing vaccines. Watch out! I think the most absurd show was the one they had Dr. Ruth Westheimer on. OMG. They had little boxes of grass in pots and were trimming it as if it were pubic hair and telling people to trim it and how! Who does this apply to? Nevermind I don't want to know! Their headlines are rediculous, "Could u be allergic to your child?", "Are orgasms genetic?" Please no more. Please don't get sucked into this brainwashing, beligerent, bullshit! I like to watch it, just to make fun of them. Oh BTW if you get bit by a bat make sure you get your rabies shot, who the F doesn't know this? It's just a few shots no big deal. LOL. I learned that by watching the "The Drs." WOW!! Make sure you eat lots of fruits and veggies and excercise regularly now you just learned something from me! By the way, I'm pretty sure we need more good doctors and less talk show hosts and commercials. What's going on with their practices if they actually have one since they are now on TV? It would be hard for me to believe that they have given that up since they worked so hard to get there. If they have then what happened to their nurses and secretaries and all their emplyees are they collecting unemployment are the doctors contributing to our recession for their own super stardum? I'm curious and you should be too.

Prezident is back in school.

OK! So for all you brainwashed Americans out there let me break it down to you why President Obama came to Troy's Hudson Valley Community College. I know what you're thinking, "How exciting the Prezident is here Yo! IN THE CAPITAL REGION"!! This is not because we are so awesome, I assure you. Early this morning I read how Obama asked our wonderful Governor of NY, David Patterson to step down and to Please don't run again. He is killing NY. But then there's Gov. Patterson and the Prez. Obama shaking hands and doing the man hug as soon as the Prez steps off Air Force 1. OK so now the Prez gets into his limo oh wait excuse me I meant to say "Motorcade" as referred to by the news broadcasters on News channel 10. OK I won't go there. So after listening to the bullshit and reading the captions on the bottom of my screen I finally read between the lines and figured it all out so you don't have to. I heard that during the whole economic stimuli package that this mediocre college got a grant but not just any grant a federal grant that consisted of $2 million but for what you say? Going Green. They have dumped some $$$money$$$ into the school (that could really use a new parking lot by the way) and expanded it's curriculum toward innovative technology. So you see I'll bet you did not even pick up on this or read this along the bottom of the screen. Ok so the bottom line is, he is advertising for the school. DUH! He or (we) have made an investment in this school and now he needs to advertise to recoup that money well spent. Also he doesn't even want the banks to get a cut of it. I believe he called it "cut out the middle man", this will ensure that the government receives all of it's $$investment back and no one else. What's more scary is he is hitting up a sure thing like barking up the single mom tree. Why? Because we are independant and responsible and need and want a good education to rely on. GO MOM! Of course I do like the idea of larger pell grants as well as paying zero interest to a bank it does sound very appealing. HMMM maybe I should follow my dream and become a lawyer did he say his next stop will be at Albany Law School? I don't think so, maybe next time. Until then read between the lines Obama!

Men 101

Men are a lesson learned that's all. Men are complicated even though they say they are simple. Men are difficult even though they say they are easy. Men are annoying even when they say we are. When men are single they wish to be married, when men are married they wish they were single. Men are not anything like dogs...dogs are loyal and are happy when you stroke them. Men will cut the grass just to look at the grASS next door. If men can't have it they want it more. The more we do for men the less they do for us. Men are just like boys they always need toys but are scared of ours. Men always need to be in control except when it comes to their penis and stomach then they need us to feed their appetites. Men are intelligent creatures and invent so many different things but fail to put the toilet seat down... Why is this still happening?? Men and women can not be friends because something always pops up in the middle. Men are men and we need to figure them out. I don't want to really, it gives me a headache.

The Last Straw

So we've all heard this expression "that's the last straw". Is it really last draw or straw?? I've heard, "that's the straw that broke the camel's back". Well anyway, I think it is the last straw so that's what I'm going to use. This is very true in fact and never realized it until today. This summer has been full of surprises for me as some of you know my boyfriend and I broke up after 4 years. Which was the blind date that would never end I do have to admit. I can't remember the last time I even had sex. Wait... I can nevermind it just wasn't that good that's all. I was screwed on an apartment, really don't even want to get into that mess. Went to court for that already and won. My year end lease was up on my pretty nice Mazda 6 and because of the "economy" let's say, I'm without a car for the time being this did not upset me, well not too much really. Went to Fuccillo Kia got hit on by a cute married man, I liked it. But felt it was very, very wrong, bad karma. Then today of all days my XX is getting married. That's right! I mean why wouldn't he get married before ME he has four kids from four different baby mamas. I'm baby mama number 2 he has 2 more after me. Even when baby mama #3 texted me today to remind me all of this I did not lose it. I stayed strong and laughed it off. Besides it was supposed to rain anyway and my daughter threw up twice already at the salon pre-wedding. No this was not the clincher. Besides I still have my ring for when I was supposed to marry him and I made the right choice. I went grocery shopping and while I'm mulling over pears and mangos I'm happily texting my friends. Until I get home. As I'm unloading the produce I noticed leakage, not just any leakage Strawberry leakage. Uh-Oh. So I quickly grabbed a paper towel and let them do their leakage on that. Then it was then noticed by the warden, my mother. "Why do you buy rotten fruit"? She said, who looks like Ray Romano's mother. You know who I mean. As if I purposely thought to buy it. Oh here's some rotten fruit let me get that.
This was THE LAST STRAW! Yup here comes the tears and more tears and the wailing. OMG. Just stop it already. That's it I needed to get outta here. So I went and got a pedicure. AAAHHH. Much better. Better than sex, well not really but if I keep telling myself that maybe I'll forget about it. Right? Right? Captain Morgan? But my toes look adorable and they lived happily ever after together. The End ....
I'm so glad everything worked out for a happy ending, I think that's the drinks talking. CHEERS.

The Difference between Right and Wrong

Why does Mr. Wrong feel so Right? Why do girls always go for the bad boy or wrong guy and end up sad? Please!!! Mr. Right was probably met a long time ago but we pass him up because he's too nice. So we go for the more exciting and challenging type you know Mr. Wrong that treats you like well crap. Or is Mr. Wrong helping you pass the time while Mr. Right is evaluating hisself in the mirror? EGO is the number one reason in men that turn relationships ugly and stubbornness is the number reason in women that turn relationships sour. But let's also look at men and why good men go after bad girls. Is there always a power trip involved or is it simply a control feature. People who try to control other people usually have no other control in any other aspect of their lives such as jobs, kids, friends, economy, remote control, parents. So they find a weaker being, yet weaker than themselves and gain strength, control, power, domination. Isn't that what this is all about anyway? Domination? It's instinct in every animal known to man, dogs, cats, goats whatever. Male always dominates the female and she puts up a good fight but eventually she gives in. This is why I cannot marry, he tries to dominate I retaliate and put up a fight and I just cannot give in yet. Mr. Wrong may feel right but sometimes Mr. Right can be very Wrong.

Internet Chain Letters

Today I want to talk a little bit about those annoying chain letters you receive from your coworkers, friends, relatives you know. I think they are annoying for one and two... bullshit. Sometimes I'll get all excited about opening my Email and then disappointed as soon as I discover it was sent to ten other people as well. I always look to see where I fit in... you know the rank status. Like last on the list or first or middle, whatever. For some reason this seems to bother me too. Who comes first does play a role with those chain letters. Speaking of the letter itself it is always something so sad and makes me feel so guilty about something I haven't even done. Then I have to pass it on to ten people within one minute or I'm going to have 10 years of bad luck. What kind of bullshit is that?? Supposedly my friend sent this to me, more like my frienemy who's hoping I don't know ten people so I'll be cursed for the next ten years. Damn. The funny part is those stories are not even real, some bored sap thinks they are going to change the world via Email and bring a tear to someone's eye for the better. Maybe so for some people and if someone really does change from reading one of those letters then that really is special. AAWWW! But the ___________(fill in the blank) that are sending those emails are no more Christian than they were before they read the Email. An even striking part is that they only send it to people they like. God says you should love your enemy. HMMM. So I send it two people that do not like each other and I put their names side by side because I know they look at the ranking list too. I know they don't like me because they sent it to me in the first place. Right? So if they are so Christian like and want to pass letters on that represent God well then shouldn't that include all of God's people? Even the one's we don't get along with or like? Yes, so send the blessing chain letters on to everyone not just selected higher ranking people. Be more Christian like if you have the balls.

Dress into Shape

Do our clothes make us fat or inhibit us from losing weight? Let us reminisce for a moment and remember the good old days when corsets were high fashion. Women tortured themselves for that hourglass figure that seemed unattainable naturally. Today we have the muffin top fashion. I'm sure you've seen this where resting over the low rider jeans rest a big belly just waiting to be noticed. Is our clothing style and fashion to blame for this new phenomenon? Gone are the high waisted jeans and pants style that once distributed this weight to different areas of our bodies. Do people who wear tighter clothing that is not made of a stretchy material stay slimmer than someone who wears loose fitting clothing that allows stretching after a big turkey meal? I've seen this even in myself after pregnancy. So to acheive a slimmer look, those tight undergarments that suck in tummy and buttox may work after all. Should we continue to wear them even after the special occasion or event that we bought them for? It may help to redistribute the fat cells. Well we could experiment with this theory since Walmart does not sell corsets or we could do sit ups.

Sleep into Shape Part II

There seems to be some confusion about this theory that I have established and I just want to make it a little bit more clear. Basically this will be the Sleep into Shape version for Dummies. OK over time gravity can take hold of your fat cells and bring them down. Thanksgiving is almost here when you put a turkey in the oven and it bakes nice and brown the juices and FAT run where? Down. Fat cells are lighter than muscle. Muscle tissue does not slide around like fat does throughout our body. Fat cells do not have brains like "Oh wait let me sit on her hips today and then tomorrow I think I'll hang out on her *ss. We need to reprogram these cells or confuse the cells into settling elsewhere. So if you decide to sleep standing up you won't get cankles because eventually you will fall to the floor. The cells will find your weak spot. Besides I never met an insomniac that had an obesity problem. If you would like to share where your fat rests let me know if this theory holds true. Tell me if you have love handles and flip from side to side like me. Or something different. Need more feedback regarding this theory. Thank you.
Sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite and if they do keep them on you!

Sleep into Shape

Does the position we sleep in at night, determine our body shape? I think it does. Think about what postion you sleep in at night and think about what body shape you are. Genetics is one thing but, if you genetically sleep in the same postions as one or both of your parents then yes genetics play a bigger part than just DNA . But let's not forget about our dear beloved friend, gravity and circulation. For example if you tend to sleep on your stomach do you always gain in your stomach first? If you sleep on your sides do you gain weight first in your love handles and stomach? Do people who sleep on their backs tend to have more "back" than people who don't? What happens if you always sleep on the same side every night, can your body store it only on that side. Yes! I've actually seen this happen. So if you want to change shape, simply change postions and resist sleeping in your old patterns. It's harder than staying away from chocolate.