Internet Chain Letters

Today I want to talk a little bit about those annoying chain letters you receive from your coworkers, friends, relatives you know. I think they are annoying for one and two... bullshit. Sometimes I'll get all excited about opening my Email and then disappointed as soon as I discover it was sent to ten other people as well. I always look to see where I fit in... you know the rank status. Like last on the list or first or middle, whatever. For some reason this seems to bother me too. Who comes first does play a role with those chain letters. Speaking of the letter itself it is always something so sad and makes me feel so guilty about something I haven't even done. Then I have to pass it on to ten people within one minute or I'm going to have 10 years of bad luck. What kind of bullshit is that?? Supposedly my friend sent this to me, more like my frienemy who's hoping I don't know ten people so I'll be cursed for the next ten years. Damn. The funny part is those stories are not even real, some bored sap thinks they are going to change the world via Email and bring a tear to someone's eye for the better. Maybe so for some people and if someone really does change from reading one of those letters then that really is special. AAWWW! But the ___________(fill in the blank) that are sending those emails are no more Christian than they were before they read the Email. An even striking part is that they only send it to people they like. God says you should love your enemy. HMMM. So I send it two people that do not like each other and I put their names side by side because I know they look at the ranking list too. I know they don't like me because they sent it to me in the first place. Right? So if they are so Christian like and want to pass letters on that represent God well then shouldn't that include all of God's people? Even the one's we don't get along with or like? Yes, so send the blessing chain letters on to everyone not just selected higher ranking people. Be more Christian like if you have the balls.

Dress into Shape

Do our clothes make us fat or inhibit us from losing weight? Let us reminisce for a moment and remember the good old days when corsets were high fashion. Women tortured themselves for that hourglass figure that seemed unattainable naturally. Today we have the muffin top fashion. I'm sure you've seen this where resting over the low rider jeans rest a big belly just waiting to be noticed. Is our clothing style and fashion to blame for this new phenomenon? Gone are the high waisted jeans and pants style that once distributed this weight to different areas of our bodies. Do people who wear tighter clothing that is not made of a stretchy material stay slimmer than someone who wears loose fitting clothing that allows stretching after a big turkey meal? I've seen this even in myself after pregnancy. So to acheive a slimmer look, those tight undergarments that suck in tummy and buttox may work after all. Should we continue to wear them even after the special occasion or event that we bought them for? It may help to redistribute the fat cells. Well we could experiment with this theory since Walmart does not sell corsets or we could do sit ups.

Sleep into Shape Part II

There seems to be some confusion about this theory that I have established and I just want to make it a little bit more clear. Basically this will be the Sleep into Shape version for Dummies. OK over time gravity can take hold of your fat cells and bring them down. Thanksgiving is almost here when you put a turkey in the oven and it bakes nice and brown the juices and FAT run where? Down. Fat cells are lighter than muscle. Muscle tissue does not slide around like fat does throughout our body. Fat cells do not have brains like "Oh wait let me sit on her hips today and then tomorrow I think I'll hang out on her *ss. We need to reprogram these cells or confuse the cells into settling elsewhere. So if you decide to sleep standing up you won't get cankles because eventually you will fall to the floor. The cells will find your weak spot. Besides I never met an insomniac that had an obesity problem. If you would like to share where your fat rests let me know if this theory holds true. Tell me if you have love handles and flip from side to side like me. Or something different. Need more feedback regarding this theory. Thank you.
Sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite and if they do keep them on you!

Sleep into Shape

Does the position we sleep in at night, determine our body shape? I think it does. Think about what postion you sleep in at night and think about what body shape you are. Genetics is one thing but, if you genetically sleep in the same postions as one or both of your parents then yes genetics play a bigger part than just DNA . But let's not forget about our dear beloved friend, gravity and circulation. For example if you tend to sleep on your stomach do you always gain in your stomach first? If you sleep on your sides do you gain weight first in your love handles and stomach? Do people who sleep on their backs tend to have more "back" than people who don't? What happens if you always sleep on the same side every night, can your body store it only on that side. Yes! I've actually seen this happen. So if you want to change shape, simply change postions and resist sleeping in your old patterns. It's harder than staying away from chocolate.